I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
