I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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