i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
