Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
