How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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