Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
