Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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