God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
