3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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