96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
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