so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
