wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
