he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
