worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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