im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize