I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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