Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
