new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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