I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
