so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize