I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
