I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I checked into jail on foursquare
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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