If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
