i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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