I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
