at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
