I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
