cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
