He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
