I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
