the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
