I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
