Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
