Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
