My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my shit smells like andre
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
