i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He did a backflip because drugs
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
