he shaved USA in his pubs
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
only you would photoshop your dick
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
