you guys were way drunker than both of me
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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