There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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