I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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