She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he was CRYING into my vagina
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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