was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
