lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
