Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize