i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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