so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We need to get me chipped asap
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
