Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
