he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
