never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I lost the right to judge tonight
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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