how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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