I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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