remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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