can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
