Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
