I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Ladies don't puke and tell
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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