just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
