Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
