I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
