my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize