Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
