Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
