I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think my moral compass just broke
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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