last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
