Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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