chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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