I will die if light touches me.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
