If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
