My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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