i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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