I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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